Your Car Alarm is Useless.

"The World of Vee" (theworldofvee) 01/14/2014 at 14:19 • Filed to: Beyond Motoring

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BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I was in the parking lot of a wholesale club when I heard the unmistakable assault that was a car alarm. "People need to disarm their cars before they open a door dammit!" I plainly told my buddy I was with as we loaded the car up with our purchases. That was the end of our conversation and we got in my car and drove off. But while I was driving home I asked if he had ever actually thought a car was being stolen when he's heard a car alarm.

"Nope"

I hadn't either, in fact, I have a friend with a dually F450 and he sometimes just drives down the road and will rev the engine in neutral to see if he can set off an alarm. It's funny and harmless, but there's a bigger picture we're missing here. I'm sure there was a time when the car alarm was a novel and new sound that made people look up from what they were doing and see what the commotion was, but now it's just a minor nuisance that we curse under our breath and move on with our day. Someone could be stealing the car in front of me, alarm blaring and so long as he was holding a fob and looked thoroughly confused while he did it, I'd assume he was just a lost owner.

And manufacturers are beginning to notice, my C5 Audi has a very quiet alarm, not loud enough for really any one to notice and true to fashion, it only ever goes off in my house when I think the car is unlocked and I try opening the trunk. But I did a bit more research and while the alarm isn't very loud, it has an immobilizer. The car technically shouldn't be able to move while the alarm is on and for the first 30 seconds after the alarm is turned off. But does it work? Well, let's put it this way, if someone wants to steal my car, they're going to find a way to do it.

Even wheel locks for that matter, the BBS wheels I have have a locking lug that requires a special adapter to undo. Isn't that humorous to anyone else? It's not serialized, it's not a specific design like a key, it's just a different bolt pattern for one lug from the standard 19mm hex lugs. A quick search shows that autoparts stores sell universal lug removers, how convenient!

So is it all bleak and horrible and for naught? Not really, the simple fact is that every car can be stolen, and quickly, but the trick is to make your car a less desirable culprit for theft. Cover your belongings and lock your door, don't leave electronics in plain sight, and don't just cover them with a towel or something, put them in the glove box or trunk. Chances are that there isn't a gang specifically scouting your car a la Gone in Sixty Seconds so simply making your car an unattractive boost is the most effective way to deter would be criminals. Most car thefts are a split second choice, take it or not, so giving reason to pause will stop most thieves. Keep your eyes open and don't park in areas that are not populous or known for criminal activity, that should be obvious, but if where you're going isn't the best place in the world you might want to consider parking your car on a "good" block and walking, or if you're a gangbanger you should always have a driver (friendly tip).

While car theft hasn't particularly gone up or down in most areas in the last decade, it's interesting to see just how useless a loud car alarm is. It's almost as if it's now just a part of our lives; hear an alarm, must be someone goofing around with their keys. But simple steps can be the difference between driving your baby, and someone else driving away with your baby. Well, unless you have a flamethrower alarm...that'll probably work alright.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > The World of Vee 01/14/2014 at 14:29

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I think this summer I'm going to have some fun setting off alarms in the Montego.

turbotiny > The World of Vee 01/14/2014 at 14:31

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Takuro Spirit > The World of Vee 01/14/2014 at 14:36

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TwoFortified > The World of Vee 01/14/2014 at 15:34

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Yep, just had my car boosted on Sunday (got it back).

Time for some security upgrades (which do not include an alarm because useless annoying waste of money). I'm thinking of doing a FP cutoff switch, removable steering wheel, and plan to get in the habit of cranking my wheel over, taking the key out, and then engaging the column lock with the wheel turned as far as I can.

Are any of these surefire ways of keeping your car from getting stolen? Not at all. I'm not entirely convinced there is such a thing as "surefire" in this case. Should it help? You bet. I'd imagine you'd have to be quite the prepared car thief to deal with those measures. The lack of a steering wheel aught to thwart 99% of lookie-loos. That said, if somebody TARGETS your car, you're pretty much SOL.

The World of Vee > TwoFortified 01/14/2014 at 16:30

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wowsers glad you got it back!

bobrayner > The World of Vee 01/23/2014 at 20:46

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It depends on where you park. In a more crowded residential area, or in a big carpark, everybody will assume that it's somebody else's car alarm sounding, and if they see somebody next to a car they won't assume it's suspicious.

But in an area with lower population density, or fewer cars, if an alarm goes off it's more likely to be yours and you pay more attention. I've certainly had an alarm which helped deter an attempted theft in Morocco - I ran out of the building when I heard the alarm and saw someone running off.

So, sadly, the places where alarms are most effective are the places with fewest thieves.

Dest > The World of Vee 01/24/2014 at 08:36

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There's a minivan in my lot which has an alarm that goes off at least once a week. We're in a good neighborhood. NO ONE is going to steal your fucking minivan!